Realize
by NYMeggi
Summary: A slightly different take on the end of 8x05, Committed, and what was going through Lois' mind.


Ever have one of those days you wish you could just take back...

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Smallville, Lois or Clark, sadly. They are property of DC and the CW. I am just playing with them for a bit after the awesomeness of episode 8.05 Committed.

**A/N**: This is my first Smallville fic. Most of the conversation is taken directly from the episode. The past is in italics. I just added a little twist to the end of it for myself. I loved the entire episode, but there were a couple things that I thought could have been tweaked for my Clois-loving heart. This is what I think was going through her head and what I wished she had said instead of just denying the whole thing.

Thanks to Dre for the awesome beta! You're the best, chica! *muah*

Comments are always appreciated. :)

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**Take Time to Realize**

Ever have one of those days you wish you could just take back? Lois Lane could tell you something about that. Starting the day off with the mother of all hangovers and absolutely no recollection of how you've come to be where you are is never a good omen. Realizing that your clothes are across the room and you are wearing nothing but a man's jersey, also not a good omen. Wondering how you came to be wearing said jersey and nothing else…well you get the point. That was how it all started. When your day starts out that badly, you just have to figure there is no way it can possibly get worse. Maybe that is why she would never figure that again - as she was learning, things could always get worse.

Had it only been yesterday when she had woken up at the Kent farmhouse with absolutely no recollection of how she had gotten there? Sadly, that had been the high point of the day. If that had been the only humiliating experience, she probably wouldn't be trying so hard to avoid Clark right now.

Who didn't have a little bit too much to drink every once in a while? She cringed when she thought of all that had followed that moment**;** the pretending to be a couple, the kidnapping, and the totally unprepared confession. So now Lois was stuck sneaking around the Daily Planet, doing her best to avoid him while still trying to look nonchalant at the same time, so her coworkers wouldn't think she was completely insane. Not that she cared, because she totally didn't. Who cared what they thought? She had more important things to worry about. She rushed past his desk, which unfortunately was right across from hers. She swiped a file off of her desk as she hurried past. He hadn't been there, thank God. Somehow she made it to the elevator without incident and was able to relax for moment**;** she couldn't help the sigh of relief at not having to face him quite yet.

"You're not avoiding me, are you?" She turned quickly at the sound of Clark's voice, watched him saunter up to her as if he didn't have a care in the world…and he probably didn't. He wasn't the one that had unwittingly admitted he was in love with her. Nope, that was all her with the unexpected declarations of love. She tried to stave off the rising panic and instead turned to the elevator, willing it to open and pull her inside.

"Me? Why would I be avoiding you? I was just shopping for wedding gifts for Chloe and Jimmy."

"So you're finally on board with the happy couple."

"Yup, all it took was them passing a mad man's electro-cosmo death quiz and I am sold." She cringed inwardly at her own stupid mention of the night before. OK, so bringing up the crazy death quiz that led to the crazy love declaration may not have been the brightest move. She heard the ding of the elevator and tried not to knock him down in her haste to get away from him. Somehow Clark managed to step into the elevator ahead of her before she even saw him move. She blinked, wondering how the hell that had happened. It seemed to happen a lot with him and it was starting to get more than a little annoying.

He held the door open and she saw there was no way she was going to get away from him easily. She froze and stared – a deer in headlights was probably more mobile than she was at that moment. Thank God he couldn't hear how hard her heart was beating in her chest. She thought it might beat out of her chest at the rate it was going.

"In or out?" Her heart did a little flip at his small grin and she forgot what she was doing for a moment. With that smile**,** she was going to have to remind herself of the many reasons why getting on the elevator with him would be one of the stupidest things she could do. First off, she would be alone with him. Of course, when he smiled like that**, **it didn't necessarily seem like a bad thing. She shook her head and took a step back.

What the hell was wrong with her? There couldn't be anything she wanted to do less than get in the elevator with him and it wasn't looking like he was going to let her do anything else. She hated awkward silences and she was stuck in one with him before they even got on the elevator. She couldn't imagine the awkwardness that would ensue when the doors closed. Then again, sometimes that was preferable, since she had a tendency to catch diarrhea of the mouth when he was around. For once she just really needed to not say anything at all. Getting on that elevator with him, the two of them alone, would be the worst thing she could do.

"You know, all things considered, the stairs are better for cardio." His small grin turned into a full smile and she realized he was enjoying himself. She wanted to glare at him, but somehow she had a feeling that would just encourage him. If that had been the most transparent excuse that she had made in her entire life, he could have at least pretended to believe it.

"Come on. Statistically this is the safer way to travel." The second he used logic she knew she was going to have to get on the elevator or risk looking like a complete lunatic. She was trapped. Shouldn't he be the gentleman and never ever mention the day before again? Somehow she didn't think she was going to be that lucky. She stepped past him quickly and resolutely faced the elevator doors as they closed, sealing her fate. She stared straight a head for a couple seconds before she realized that the awkward silence really might just drive her crazy. She forgot all about her plan to not say a word.

"He confessed…the jeweler." She looked at him quickly as she spoke and then looked away again.

"I heard, 5 couples." He wasn't looking at her. Was that good or bad? Did she want it to be good or bad? Why did she care? The man was making her crazy, but then that was the way it had always been between them.

"So, about that test…ummm…." Now that he had her trapped there was no reason not to face it head on. If she could talk herself out of this one then she could talk her way out of anything. Of course, it would help if the words would actually come to her. They looked at each other and she quickly looked away. She prayed for words, any words at all and came up empty. She was a reporter. This was supposed to be her strength. She stared at the doors in silence until it finally came to her.

"You know, he never asked if I was 'in love' with you. He just asked if I love you."

"So, then you fooled the lie detector?" Was she wrong or did he look a little disappointed? God, she hoped so. It wouldn't be fair for her to be the only one suffering. Seeing him uncomfortable about the whole thing just about made her day. It was so much better than when he was enjoying himself at her expense. It always seemed to be that way between them, although it was usually more fun. They had always had a light and friendly banter between them. She wasn't ready to screw that up and maybe he wasn't either.

"I just told you, Smallville. I told the truth. You're one of my best friends, of course I love you. Don't go getting a big head about it now."

"I'm one of your best friends?" This time he looked at her. He seemed to be searching her face for something. She pushed her hair behind her hair self-consciously and gave him a lopsided smile as she met his eyes before answering.

"Well, sure…but that's not saying much. You're actually one of my only friends, since I'm not that big with the trust." Her mouth snapped shut and she looked quickly away from him. Where the hell had that come from? Why would she think this was the time to bring up trust issues? Yet again she was volunteering way too much information to Clark. What was it about him that made her do that? It was becoming a regular occurrence whenever she found herself in his vicinity. She found herself thinking back to the psycho test and her one damning answer, yet another moment she had given him too much.

"_Do you love him?"_

"_Yes."_

The elevator chimed the ground floor and she walked quickly past him and turned around for her parting shot before she ran for her life.

"Just be happy _you_ didn't have to answer that question." She turned and left him staring as the doors closed behind her with him still inside.

Well, that hadn't gone nearly as bad as it could have. Her explanation was reasonable and he would have no reason not to believe it. She really was quite the smooth talker. Clark looked like he hadn't known what hit him at the end there. At least that would distract him from the rest of it and the question he didn't ask.

She hadn't lied. She really hadn't. He hadn't actually asked her if she was in love with him. Hopefully, she was the only one that noticed that slip up on his part. There were things that she was just realizing and Clark didn't need to know.

"_Deep down, underneath it all, do you love this man?"_

As long as Clark didn't ask, she didn't have to answer. Hell, she hadn't even known the answer until she saw him electrocuted at her expense. All it had taken was a madman's threats to force her to face her feelings.

She was so totally screwed. Love...in love….the wording didn't matter. The answer was still yes.


End file.
